Acceptance
is one of the most difficult concepts in mindfulness practice. It
doesn't mean agreement and it doesn't mean dismissing the impact of
hurtful events that happen to us. What does it mean? Here are some
possibilities but first a true event:
Many years ago somebody stole a
watch from me. I really liked the watch and the person who gave it to me
had gone to a lot of trouble to buy it and get it engraved. Then the watch was taken. Another person was able to confirm my suspicions as to who the guilty party was
but the guilty party had moved on and so had the possibility of getting
the watch back.
What has acceptance got to do with the watch? Well, the
loss of the watch still hurts - though only when I think of it - and if
I could get it back I would. On the other hand the loss of the watch
doesn't interfere in any way with my life. So here are some thoughts on acceptance:
1. Acceptance is awareness without interference. We interfere with our awareness largely through self-talk and, to a lesser extent, talking to other people. When I remember the watch I feel a little dart of loss - but I don't interfere with the feeling by talking to myself or anyone else about the watch, and the dart of loss goes as quickly as it arrives.
2.
Acceptance means not deliberately re-running an experience in a loop in
the mind. So I choose not to repeat to myself the story of the watch,
the loss, and the judgments about the theft (what a rotten thing to do,
etc). Instead I acknowledge and feel the loss and then move forward.
Which brings me to:
3.
Acceptance is a way of relating to our experience that enables us to
move forward with today and tomorrow. I could relate to the theft of the
watch by dwelling in the story and the feelings surrounding the story.
Instead I allow myself to feel the feeling and then move on to the next
thing I need to do.
Acceptance
has many other facets and I will amend this article as time goes by so
as to arrive at a comprehensive attempt at an explanation.
